Wednesday 30 November 2011

Cuba Gooding Jr. in The Hit List

*SPOILER ALERT* THIS MOVIE IS DEFINITELY NOT BAD-ASS

"We all die with food on our plate..." *bang* *bang* "What's on yours?".  What kind of terrible tough guy saying is this?  It sounds like an advertisement for Country Time Buffet that wasn't allowed to air.  One man assault on a police office?  Yes it was Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator (1984).  No it should not have been Cuba Gooding Jr. in "The Hit List" (2011).  Entering the police station only to be confronted by your former secret government employer?  Awesome in "Rambo" (1982) and well not awesome in "The Hit List".  Also what was with all the terrible movie effects?  It reminds me of trying to include slow motion in my Grade 11 Film project.  Did someone only want to download the free trial of Final Cut Pro to make this movie?  "The trigger is like a fast forward button. I just skip to the end credits on other peoples lives, or not." Another incredible Cuba Gooding Jr.-ism.  I'm pretty sure the director heard a 12 year old say this to him while playing World of Warcraft.

The basics of this film is that a man owes money to a crime boss of sorts (also looked like a pussy, both the crime boss and the man), doesn't get a promotion and walks in on his wife cheating on him with his friend.  His desperation and sadness is barely portrayed to the audience through the terrible use of flashbacks, slow motion and a "glowing" technique similiar to that used in an afternoon soap opera's.  He gets drunk and happens to run into a professional killer who admits to killing a TV announcer who's death we learn about just moments before.  It takes about three Jack Daniel's after Cuba Gooding Jr. has already had four glasses of water, an amount similiar to what it took to get a slight buzz in grade 9.  The guy jokingly makes a list of five people he wants killed and the professional killer, being the tortured soul that he is, decides to take it on in one last F*** you to the world he for some unknown reason he despises.  Blah, blah, blah the man tries to stop him blah, blah, blah rediscovers his love for his wife whilst killing the guy that seventy-five policemen couldn't.  Now what is it that makes the final scene in this movie so terrible whilst similiar scenes in Rambo, The Terminator and Commando are awesome?

Sunday 27 November 2011

Desert Eagle .50



Desert Eagle .50


Probably the most bad-ass hand gun on the planet.  Originally designed by Bernard C. White of Magnum research, the first patent for this gun was filed in January 1983.  The Desert Eagle .50 was first designed as a revolver but later altered to be a semi-automatic.  The second patent was filed by IMI (Israel Military Industries) in December 1985 and this was the gun that would be produced.

The Desert Eagle is unique because it utilizes a gas-operated mechanism that is normally found in rifles.  Semi-automatic handguns generally use recoil or blow back designs.  In the Desert Eagle the barrel does not move.  When a round is fired gases are ported out through a small hole in the barrel near the breech.  The gas travels through forward through a small tube under the barrel to a cylinder near the front of the barrel.  The separate bolt slide has a small piston in the front that fits into the cylinder.  When the gas reaches the cylinder it pushes the piston rearward.  The rotating bolt resembles the M16 rifle and the fixed gas cylinder resembles the M14 rifle.

Gas operation allows for the use of much more powerful cartridges.  The standard barrel length in the Desert Eagle is 6" although some are also 10".  The most recent version of the Eagle is the XIX which is fed by a detachable magazine.  It is made for three calibre's, a .357 Magnum, a .44 Magnum and a .50 AE (action express).

Bruce Willis in Die Hard

Bruce Willis was born on March 19, 1955 in Western Germany.  He worked as a bartender scoring small roles until his big break in the first Die Hard (1998).  Willis plays Officer John McClane, a New York detective who heads to L.A. to visit his wife for Christmas.  While waiting in his wife's office terrorists led by Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) take over the building they are in, the Nakatomi Plaza.  The SWAT, police and FBI are unable to take this group down so the burden falls on one of our favourite bad-asses Bruce "Yippie Ki Yay Mother Fucker" Willis.

The "one-liner" really came into fame with three words: "I'll Be Back" put forth by probably the greatest action movie actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, in Terminator (1984).  Four years later this movie is full of awesome one liners:

"Let's see you take this under advisement jerk weed" and "Geronimo mother fucker" (both before dropping a PC bomb down the elevator.

Friday 25 November 2011

Lenny Mclean, The Guv'nor, in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lenny Mclean, aka The Guv'nor, was an all round bad-ass for years before he played a badass in the top notch Guy Ritchie film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrel.  He was referred to by man as "the hardest man in Britain".  Some say the number of fights he was in ranges somwhere in the area between two and three thousand.  


One of the big influences on Lenny's hardened personality was his great uncle Jimmy Sparks, a feared local gangster.  Lenny's father died when he was only six and the man his mother remarried was an abusive alcoholic.  After the new man had dealt an especially bad beating to Lenny's younger brother Sparks nearly beat the man to death and swore to kill him if anymore violence occured towards the boys.  Lenny admired him for this and got into street fighting and running errands for local criminals.  After serving 18 months for petty crimes in his teens he moved on to his adult life as a professional bad-ass.  On a softer note Lenny married his wife Val at age 20 and had two kids.  He believed his family to be his rock and felt they kept him from committing his life solely to crime.


He participated in a few TV shows in Britain and some small movie parts but the Guv'nor's only major film was Guy Ritchie's Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.  Released August 1998 in the UK and March 1999 in Canada it received an 8.2 on IMDB and was the first in a string of excellent Guy Ritchie movies that fall somewhere between a comedy, a drama and a badass action flick!  Those movies include Snatch (2000), Revolver (2005), RocknRolla (2008) and even the most recent Sherlock Holmes (2009).  This badass movie four working class blokes that pool there money to enter their card shark friend into a high stakes game.  As can be expected this does not go as planned the boys end up not only losing there money but owing the gangster/porn king Hatchet Harry.  The movie plays out in what is now a Guy Ritchie fashion with all the stories ending up intertwined with lots of comedy and violence.  Hatchet Harry has two major henchmen, one is Big Chris played by Vinnie Jones and the other is Barry the Baptist played by Lenny Mclean.


Lenny Mclean was a bad-ass fighter before he was in movie.  He boxed professionally and underground as well as participated in bare knuckle boxing fights.  Check out this badass clip where the Guv'nor beats the hell out of a guy after he cheap shots him before the fight in this unlicensed boxing match:



Lenny would have been around thirty-seven years old in this fight.  Looks like he is starting off slow with his legs but once he grabs the guys head with his left he lets off a flurry of rights and the ref's can't even take him away from this guy who is not even moving by the end!


His first unlicensed boxing match occured by chance when his car broke down and he went to get a part from a local Gypsy used car salesmen (not my idea of reputable dealer).  The new part failed (of course) and when Lenny returned to get his dough back the man offered him a new car if he were to fight in that afternoon's unlicensed boxing match.  His opponent was almost seven feet tall and weighed 127 kg and lasted less than a minute in the ring against Lenny.


Here is a list of some of his official fights, all of which he won:




1    Roy Shaw                  Cinatra’s Nightclub, Croyden           23rd May                   1977         
2    Roy Shaw                  Cinatra’s Nightclub, Croyden           10th  April                 1978               
3    Solli Francis              Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park                                         1978
4    Roy Shaw                  Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park      11th  September        1978
5    Cliff Fields                 Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park       4th  December          1978
6    Cliff Fields                 Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park      12th  February           1979
7    Steve Richards           Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park      29th  November        1979
8   Johnny Wauldron       The Cats Whiskers in Streatham                                        198?
9   Johnny Wauldron       Ilford Palais, Essex                                                            198?
10  Kevin Paddock                                                                                                  198?
11   Johnny Clarke           Rainbow Theatre, Finsbury Park                                       1982
12  Ron Redrupp                                                                                                      19??
13  Joe Brown
14  Bradshaw                 Yorkshire Grey                                  15th  April                 1986
15  York                          Woodford  Green, Essex                   7th  Septemeber      1986



The Guv'nor was also a bad ass bouncer known around night clubs and pubs in London.  In 1992 he was arrested for the murder of Gary Humphries.  At that time the Guv'nor was the head doorman of The Hippodrome in London's Leicester Square and ejected Mr. Humphries from the club for being on drugs and harassing women.  Humphries died later that night and was found to have a broken jaw bone and neck injuries.



On the set of Lock Stock,Lenny got what he thought to be the flu.  It was later found to be lung cancer which had metastasized to his brain.  He died a few weeks before the film was released.  Guy Ritchie changed some of the advertisements to feature Lenny to pay homage to this all round bad ass.


Lenny Mclean's character was a bad ass in the movie but he didn't need that to make him look tough.  This guy was the real deal, a tough guy, hardened bad ass that even the baddest criminals in London didn't want to mess with.  Prisoner, actor, husband, fighter, author, bouncer, criminal, father, Guv'nor you get the highest a rank as a tried-and-true-bad-ass-mother-fucker

Thursday 24 November 2011

Harder than Nails and Tough Enough to Eat Them

After years of watching action movies and idolizing the tough bad-ass characters that make those movies what they are I figured I would start talking about some of the actors, movies and characters that are involved in making all our man dreams come true.  Big guns, fast cars, faster women, 25" biceps and "doing exactly what you have to... every step of the way" is what we love to see.  I want to compile information so you can have a comprehensive knowledge base of all things action movie.  This is my first blog so the first few may be a little basic but I'm going to be keeping my eyes open for sweet movies, cool facts and other bad-ass stuff I can find!